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Time To Start Again 
05:33pm 04/01/2006
mood: hungry
I miscarried.. So I suppose I can start starving myself again. In fact I have to, my swollen tummy just can't be.
stay thin. *abi*
07:55pm 28/12/2005
mood: calm
I was sitting with my anoretic friend Sara in my dining room. She said "my ears are going funny!" I looked at her quizzically but didn't worry. five minutes later she was really hot, I sprang to my feet opening all the doors and windows letting in the freezing december air. By the time I got back to her she pushed herself to her feet and said faintly
"I need to lie down"
I let her lean on me as i walked her the short distance to my living room to the sofa, literally just as we got there she collapsed, i had a hold of her but i was so weak, she's only 70 pounds and i couldn't move her, deadweight. I yelled for mum who put her on the sofa and stroked her hair. I called an ambulance which came impressively quickly.
I sat in the ambulance watching her pulse going down down down.. I looked at her staring straight up, clinging on to her oxygen mask, this helpless woman, a woman who has raised 4 children single-handedly, ran her own business and now.. too weak to speak.
I was jealous.. i must be a terrible person.
She's "ok" now. She left the hospital about an hour after they rushed her in, screaming she was FINE!!!!.
We haven't spoken about it since, but the other day she bought me the most beautiful bracelet for no reason. Of course i can't wear it, which i love. It's too big. My scarred and fragile wrists are the favourite part of my body.
stay strong, i know it's hard at xmas. *abi* xx
Hey All! 
11:13am 01/12/2005
  Sorry I've been gone so long! Had to visit family, and it's my Finals Week.

Anyway, my scale died :( It needs new batteries, they're on special order. Anyone want to reccomend a scale brand or anything? Mine doesn't do bodyfat, it just records the weight. :/

Today: Coffee (creamer:60 cal)
1/3 Apple: 20 cal

Weight: NO IDEA :( Prolly still at 204. :/

I REALLY want to go for a bike ride, but I have my math final to study for - gotta go. Hugs to ALL!
Caffine Pills are great 
11:33pm 30/11/2005
  Hey everyone! I have been so happy lately, I've been taking caffine pills and aside from keeping me awake they elevate my mood, I also found out that they raise metabolism too, so that's a plus. I intend on getting some Xenadrine soon because the reviews on that are VERY good. Even though it already has caffine in it, I'm deff going to keep taking the caffine pills because adding caffine to diet pills increases the effect, I think. It's weird I have been so much more attentive, my grades are doing better and I'm so much happier GOD I LOVE CAFFINE!  
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03:25pm 26/11/2005
  Could someone tell me how to post my progress pics, i have no clue.....thanks  
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Hunger Hurts But Starving Works, When It Costs Too Much To Love. 
01:10am 26/11/2005
mood: too effin sad.

Hello darlings,
Ugh, i've officially had the worst night in the entire world.
I'm just soo sick of so much.
I'm so tempted to just, shove my fingers down my throat.
And i know thats a horrible thing to be tempted to do.
And knowing how much worse that makes things, hurts me.

So, question: now that this community is private and such, do we need to change the thing that makes the entry public or private or friends and all that?
because i am an idiot when it comes to LiveJournal.

Starve my pain away,
make me beautiful,
make everything ok,
turn my problems into bone,
crush them up,
gather the remains,
blow away the dust.

I found this quote, and i was in serious like.
It's how i'm feeling, all the time.
Thought you might appreciate it if you hadnt seen it before.

*edit* zero picture, because effing remote links, can go die. kthx.
That's all i've got to say
Love you to the bones,

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01:15pm 22/11/2005
  Recap: Katie Michelle, 19, ED-NOS
hw: 211
cw: WTF I dunno. See below. Somewhere around 200-210.
lw: 135
ltg: 125
stg: 175

I have some serious issues with my scale. I normally weigh myself in the morning, right after my shower, naked. I've tried weighing before my shower, but it's always lower after. So anyway, for the past two weeks it's been:
211 ... 210.8 ... 209.8 ... 208.6 ... 210 ... 209.4 ... 208.2. (I don't have all the days, consider it an every other day record)

cue the wtf...Collapse )

Thanks to anyone who can help *hugs*
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10:08am 22/11/2005
  Feeling dizzy and lightheaded...drank coffee. No...sugar. Tired.

Eyes not focusing...wtf.
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12:17pm 21/11/2005
  so, yesterday was day 8 of my fast and i had to end it with something small because my heart was hurting so bad on saturday night that i was not able to sleep.(not good). so, my dad made me a chopped up spinach salad with baby carrots, onions, 1/2 an avocado, sprouts and red pepper. I put no salad dressing on it at all, and ate about 1/2 of it. Then I had 2 cups of black coffee with splenda, and then went to bed rit away so i wouldnt mess up any more. haha. I weighed myself this morning and i'm still 100 pounds, so im really glad i didnt gain anything from last nights dinner.
Im leaving in 3 days so now its crunch time. ive got 3 days to loose 3 pounds.
I hope everyone has an awesome week! :)

p.s.- Just say NO to THANKSGIVING DINNER. :) :)

x-posted in __thin.
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06:08pm 18/11/2005
  yesss finally its friday! and i am on day 6 of my fast. overall, its been a good week, i didnt eat one little thing of anything solid in 6 days and to tell u the honest truth, i feel as though i can do this my entire life. seriously, im not tired or the least bit hungry. its awesome!
im down to 100 pounds. ive got app. 4 days to get down to 97 (my stgw). piece of cake...not literally tho :)

have a great weekend everyone!
stay focused. stay thin.
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heya folks 
08:55am 18/11/2005
  hi^^; I posted an intro yesterday but it was friends locked so I'm not sure if anyone saw it or not...

Anyway, I'm stressing because my mom is taking me out to dinner after therapy today and I dont' want to go. she's dragging me to an Italian restaurant of all places x.x (Pappa Razzi) and although she assures me they have salads, it's not making me fell better :/
so I'm skipping all food until then, because I don't want to eat too much

Yesterday's intakeCollapse )
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11:56pm 17/11/2005
  I thought it was time I posted some pictures. These can serve as reverse thinspiration for you guys, just remember you don't want to end up like me, eh? :)

My stats again:

Name: Katie
Age: 19
Height: 5'5
Current: 209
High: 211
Low: 135
STG: 175
LTG: 125
my picturesCollapse )

Hopefully someday I will be able to post my progress pics. Wish me luck girls.
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10:48pm 17/11/2005
  YAY! I am so proud of myself, today I was working for the tech fair, and my boss was buying everyone pizzas (like, personal ones) and he asked me SIX times and I said no EVERY time! I had a diet coke, and a diet dr pepper.

I haven't eaten yet today, I am so proud of me! go me!
Later: Went to Subway for dinner, my sub was about 600 calories (turkey, cheese, lettuce, onions, light mayo. Er, and the bread) and some chips - another 210

810, not bad!
Okay, I ended up having a frap with the boy later, still only 1100. It's not that great anymore, but I am still really proud of myself for having control at work. I have to eat around my boyfriend or he'll know, so I think I did pretty good. Next time I'll leave off the chips :D
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05:04pm 17/11/2005
  Hi everyone, im a newbie.
My name is Niki and I've been ed-nos with anorexic tendencies for about 3 years now.

Age: 18 (1 month exactly till i'm 19!!)

Height: 5'3

Cw: 101

Stgw: 97 by Nov. 23

Ltgw: 90 by Dec. 23 .... and then lower and lower . .

Hw: 120 :\ gross.

i hope everyones having a good week. tomorrows fri! and i get to see my bf, havent seen him since oct 14th :(
i am on day 5 of my fast and i plan on staying on this fast until i get to puerto rico which is nov 23.
im so excited to be here.!! <33
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11:52am 17/11/2005
  Heya, I'm Abby

Hw: 180
Stgw:115 by thanksgiving
Ltgw: 105 by newyears

I'll post some pics tonight, but I'm about to leave for class^^

and thanks for creating a new community, I'm sure it will be sucessful ^^
10:14am 17/11/2005
  Hey moderator - I'm sure you're anxious to have a popular community, but if you just accept the same old trolls from the others, good luck.

As for me, there are too many communities that are public, they all get these morons. I'll gladly stay here if it's made private. You need to do some research into your potential members.
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11:56pm 16/11/2005
mood: loved
hello darlings,
I am unbelievably glad theres a new community,
I miss the angels one,
anyways,  stats.

Cw:135? ish.

so, that's me.
It's Lexxy,
glad to be here.

Stay Strong Mes Cheres,
10:19pm 16/11/2005
  Hey everyone, thank you for joining. I hope to make this community as successful as 00_angels_00 was, the turn out with that community was amazing, it's a shame that it "died" and I hope everyone can feel as comfortable here as they did there. Please feel free to post and promote.

Join XxPaper_ThinxX