in love, with me, fall


I was sitting with my anoretic friend Sara in my dining room. She said "my ears are going funny!" I looked at her quizzically but didn't worry. five minutes later she was really hot, I sprang to my feet opening all the doors and windows letting in the freezing december air. By the time I got back to her she pushed herself to her feet and said faintly
"I need to lie down"
I let her lean on me as i walked her the short distance to my living room to the sofa, literally just as we got there she collapsed, i had a hold of her but i was so weak, she's only 70 pounds and i couldn't move her, deadweight. I yelled for mum who put her on the sofa and stroked her hair. I called an ambulance which came impressively quickly.
I sat in the ambulance watching her pulse going down down down.. I looked at her staring straight up, clinging on to her oxygen mask, this helpless woman, a woman who has raised 4 children single-handedly, ran her own business and now.. too weak to speak.
I was jealous.. i must be a terrible person.
She's "ok" now. She left the hospital about an hour after they rushed her in, screaming she was FINE!!!!.
We haven't spoken about it since, but the other day she bought me the most beautiful bracelet for no reason. Of course i can't wear it, which i love. It's too big. My scarred and fragile wrists are the favourite part of my body.
stay strong, i know it's hard at xmas. *abi* xx
  • Current Music
    Sugababes- Joy Division

Hey All!

Sorry I've been gone so long! Had to visit family, and it's my Finals Week.

Anyway, my scale died :( It needs new batteries, they're on special order. Anyone want to reccomend a scale brand or anything? Mine doesn't do bodyfat, it just records the weight. :/

Today: Coffee (creamer:60 cal)
1/3 Apple: 20 cal

Weight: NO IDEA :( Prolly still at 204. :/

I REALLY want to go for a bike ride, but I have my math final to study for - gotta go. Hugs to ALL!

Caffine Pills are great

Hey everyone! I have been so happy lately, I've been taking caffine pills and aside from keeping me awake they elevate my mood, I also found out that they raise metabolism too, so that's a plus. I intend on getting some Xenadrine soon because the reviews on that are VERY good. Even though it already has caffine in it, I'm deff going to keep taking the caffine pills because adding caffine to diet pills increases the effect, I think. It's weird I have been so much more attentive, my grades are doing better and I'm so much happier GOD I LOVE CAFFINE!
blue thang

Hunger Hurts But Starving Works, When It Costs Too Much To Love.

Hello darlings,
Ugh, i've officially had the worst night in the entire world.
I'm just soo sick of so much.
I'm so tempted to just, shove my fingers down my throat.
And i know thats a horrible thing to be tempted to do.
And knowing how much worse that makes things, hurts me.

So, question: now that this community is private and such, do we need to change the thing that makes the entry public or private or friends and all that?
because i am an idiot when it comes to LiveJournal.

Starve my pain away,
make me beautiful,
make everything ok,
turn my problems into bone,
crush them up,
gather the remains,
blow away the dust.

I found this quote, and i was in serious like.
It's how i'm feeling, all the time.
Thought you might appreciate it if you hadnt seen it before.

*edit* zero picture, because effing remote links, can go die. kthx.
That's all i've got to say
Love you to the bones,

  • Current Music
    Gossip Folks- Missy Elliot


Recap: Katie Michelle, 19, ED-NOS
hw: 211
cw: WTF I dunno. See below. Somewhere around 200-210.
lw: 135
ltg: 125
stg: 175

I have some serious issues with my scale. I normally weigh myself in the morning, right after my shower, naked. I've tried weighing before my shower, but it's always lower after. So anyway, for the past two weeks it's been:
211 ... 210.8 ... 209.8 ... 208.6 ... 210 ... 209.4 ... 208.2. (I don't have all the days, consider it an every other day record)

cue the wtf...Collapse )

Thanks to anyone who can help *hugs*

(no subject)

so, yesterday was day 8 of my fast and i had to end it with something small because my heart was hurting so bad on saturday night that i was not able to sleep.(not good). so, my dad made me a chopped up spinach salad with baby carrots, onions, 1/2 an avocado, sprouts and red pepper. I put no salad dressing on it at all, and ate about 1/2 of it. Then I had 2 cups of black coffee with splenda, and then went to bed rit away so i wouldnt mess up any more. haha. I weighed myself this morning and i'm still 100 pounds, so im really glad i didnt gain anything from last nights dinner.
Im leaving in 3 days so now its crunch time. ive got 3 days to loose 3 pounds.
I hope everyone has an awesome week! :)

p.s.- Just say NO to THANKSGIVING DINNER. :) :)

x-posted in __thin.

(no subject)

yesss finally its friday! and i am on day 6 of my fast. overall, its been a good week, i didnt eat one little thing of anything solid in 6 days and to tell u the honest truth, i feel as though i can do this my entire life. seriously, im not tired or the least bit hungry. its awesome!
im down to 100 pounds. ive got app. 4 days to get down to 97 (my stgw). piece of cake...not literally tho :)

have a great weekend everyone!
stay focused. stay thin.